farters have to be the big spoon...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
