Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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