I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
