"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
