I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
whose ass print is on the piano?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
whose parrot is this?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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