Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
