Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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