I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well you can't waste a boner
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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