I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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