So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
