Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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