I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
