I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
