how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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