Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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