I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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