Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
