I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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