im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.