after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.