I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dating After Heartbreak
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom