I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.