I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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