I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
