I showed him my bush... on skype.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
