So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
