Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
