He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
