last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
