so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
