If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
