Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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