we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
