i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
