am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
