You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
