Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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