When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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