Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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