he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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