I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
