is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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