I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
