Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
