you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize