even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
