Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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