I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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