You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
