Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
