Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
