You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
