I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
