"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
