she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
