You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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