you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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