Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize