He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
