I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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