so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
