just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
