how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
