I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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