Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
