If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
