Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
