if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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