i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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