I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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