last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
