Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
