Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
