The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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